Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
