made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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