The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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