The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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