Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
