True but thats because hes a fetus.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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