okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
