How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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