We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
