my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
