i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
