at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
