I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
