she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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