I can tuck mytits in my pants
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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