you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
