i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
