I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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