Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
