dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
