you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize