U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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