I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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