i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
