I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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