i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
