We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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