Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
