i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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