i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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