i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
