Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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