just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
