I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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