in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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