Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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