great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
