Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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