Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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