if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
