Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You pole danced in your parka.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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