We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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