you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
