my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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