mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
