i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
