Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
