The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
