Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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