I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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