You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
