i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
