Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i barfeds in our rink
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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