i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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