Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
