Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
