If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I could make wine with my vomit
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
