they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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