My nipple is on Facebook.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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