I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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