I just made out with a guy for $7.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
