Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
