Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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