Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
