You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
