as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
