I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
