haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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