I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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