2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
