Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
