can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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