i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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