you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
