that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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